Why I Dread Shopping for Clothes

For the first time in years, I decided to shop for a new Easter frock.  After noticing the “styles” made for this season, I knew I would have to shop in the so called “women’s” department.  There are the juniors, misses, petite, and the plus or women’s departments in most stores.  The latter is referring to “full figure” gals.  Clearly, those designing for the bigger girls have serious issues.   These designers, and I use the term loosely, hate over weight folks.   They are saying, “The only way for you to look good is to lose weight, because I’m going to put fat enhancing styles and material on you.”   Most things I found should never be worn by the bigger girls.    Puff sleeves are a no-no for big arms.  Please, I’m trying to hide my arms, not position a spot light on them.  Vertical stripes and/or patterns will work, but horizontal is a disaster.  I don’t wish to say, “Look at me.  I’m overweight and I’m too stupid to choose flattering clothing.”  I say that most of the time, I’d prefer to not shout it on Easter Sunday. Sometimes, the full figure gal has breasts proportionate to her size.  Making a dress with an empire cut is brilliant.  Your breasts and your stomach will be in a tug of war over which can stick out more.  Cool!   That’s always attractive.  At least when I was younger, I was mistaken for being pregnant.  Now, just fat.  I tried on numerous dresses with a waist and belt.  Ugh! To set the look off, these dresses were accompanied by “bolero” type short sleeve jackets/sweaters.  One might refer to them as “half” jackets, similar to “half” shirts.  I once heard a comedian say these shirts were called half shirts because only half of us are supposed to wear them.  I concur. Even though this style is not always appropriate for the weight challenged, I did think it was an interesting sales strategy.  With the popularity of spanks and their knock offs, one must purchase this type of undergarment in order to attempt such a fashion faux pas.   Since I enjoy breathing, I abandoned this particular style.  The one good thing I learned from this journey into the fashion world is turquoise seems to be in.  I love turquoise, especially the jewelry.  Turquoise material was everywhere in all kinds of patterns.  For me turquoise is a reminder of my younger years and the 1970’s (and being skinny).   I wore out numerous bracelets in college, and wore a turquoise ring forever.  I recently purchased another turquoise ring.  So, I set off to look at jewelry to make myself feel better.  I returned home with my purchases of which none was a new Easter frock.   I may not have new clothes for Easter, but I will be properly accessorized, for my taste anyway.